I. Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly. In other words: The cat is entitled to go outside anytime he wants.

II. A well stocked provisional chamber, being necessary to the fulfillment of a feline’s whims, shall not be infringed. In other words: The cat is entitled to eat anytime he wants.

III. The right of the feline to be secure in their domain, and effects, against unreasonable discomposure, shall not be violated. In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep anytime he wants.

IV. Humans shall issue no warrants or decrees or edicts as prescribed to the demarcation of possessions or property which are in direct conflict with right of life, liberty, and the pursuit of feline affirmation. In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep ANYWHERE he wants.

V. The feline shall be immune to all criminal accusations, indictments, and complaints. The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and impartial dismissal of any and all charges provided said feline’s compulsory right to obtain any or all witnesses, including character witnesses, are obtained in his favor. In other words: Cats can do anything they want as long as it’s cute.

VI. Neither serfdom, vassalage, or involuntary servitude will be tolerated, except by said cats in proprietorship of their humans. In other words: What I say goes. (And I say feed me … again.)

VII. No canis familiaris shall, in time of peace or at any other time, be quartered in any dwelling without the consent of the potentate, nor in time of conflict, but in a manner to be prescribed by the sovereign. In other words: No dogs in the house without my permission.

VIII. The right of the feline to be protected against unreasonable search and seizures shall not be breached or infringed upon at any time or any place. In other words: Don’t disturb me when I am sleeping.

It was in the Washington Post. The title of the article was “Best Comeback Line Ever.” In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged “need.” “I guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. “I walked up to (Lawrence) and he’s…just working away at this pumpkin.”

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said officer Taylor. “I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realise that you are screwing a pumpkin?”

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said, “A pumpkin? Damn… is it midnight already?”

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his
wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10
best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

(via sneakerface)